a lot of somethings can add up to everything…

Tuesday night, I went with my friend Jess to see the iHeart Revolution movie (click here to see preview).

I have always wanted to travel, and this movie whetted my appetite even more. I know that I am shielded from so much because I am blessed to live here, but a part of me feels like I will never be totally well-rounded in my ideas and my perspective unless I travel, specifically to a third-world country. I’ve been to Germany, Switzerland, and Spain, but the parts I went to, while beautiful and different, were mere variations of life here in America.

Life is so unfair, and that fact has always really unsettled me. Especially regarding those who suffer. It doesn’t even have to be in some developing nation. It’s not fair that people my age become widowed or that children die of cancer or that some people are more prone to certain diseases and others aren’t….it’s not fair some people are born into wealth and privelege and opportunity while others are born into chaos and hate and bad decisions. It’s just not fair.

But it’s even more unfair that we can simply shut those things and people out. It’s so easy. There are so many distractions. We can hear about once in the paper or at church or in a youtube video and assume it doesn’t affect us and look away. Even as Christians. Or just as people in general. We stay so focused on our own lives…I am definitely guilty of this…because we feel we have to figure that our first before we are to help someone else. The common response: “I can’t even help myself; how am I going to help all those suffering people? Problem is too big. And I am far too small.”

I think our search for meaning in life ends when we look beyond ourself and try to see how we…our gifts and passions and joys and experiences…fit into the grand scheme of the human race. Why else would you be made so wonderfully and intricately? We don’t have to give up what we have; we just need to get creative! You love running? Run a marathon and raise money for world hunger. You love to dance? Join a dance-a-thon to raise money for your favorite cause or charity. You love kids? Volunteer at a local youth organization. You love to cook/knit/do crafts? Volunteer and teach the local poor to do something handy. You love to write? Write letters to those in prison. You love to travel?? *umyesplease* Do a mission or volunteer trip.

Think about it. Like the video says: Not everybody can do everything, but everybody can do something. And everyone doing something adds up to one big something. And if those little somethings are fun things we enjoy doing, how much more meaning will our lives have then?

Quite a bit, I am sure.

“You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say you didn’t know.”
William Wilberforce

 

There is much beauty to be resurrected in the world…

It never fails. Everytime the holidays get close, I decide that this year, I will GIVE more to charities…I will NOT buy into the consumerism by going to that cesspool of a mall and I will NOT buy completely unecessary items for people who will just take it to Goodwill the following spring. *victoryfist*

(It might be a little self-righteous of me but hey, better a motive to give than not giving at all, right?)  Plus, sometimes I kind of like the mall…I mean, come on, those Auntie Ann pretzels?? *dies*

So then I get the bright idea of buying a goat or seeds or immunizations for impoverished children in an impoverished nation on someone’s behalf.  Which sounds like a great idea until Christmas actually gets closer and I feel funny that I don’t have an actual THING to give this person. So then I think, ok maybe like a little piece of jewelry to make them think of this goat, or even a book or a stuffed animal. Then I end up spending twice as much because I feel the need to let this person know they didn’t get totally gipped, that their Christmas gift isn’t lacking because they can’t tangibly take it home.

Then I start to think, surely there must be a healthy balance. But then I realize, not much about life is a healthy balance. “Stuff” is not evenly distributed. Money is grossly horded (myself included).  I remember reading last year this bizarre statistic that said if all the money in all the world was evenly distributed, every person would have four million dollars.

I began thinking about Christmas again last night when I was at my friend Jess’s house. She had a lot of World Vision Christmas Catalogs, and talked quite a bit about some organizations she is passionate about, and I wanted to pass on some of the information.

ServLife: This is a local organization in Indianapolis with global ties and influence. They basically serve to bridge resources from the west to the suffering world. They evangelize and strive to help eliminate human suffering. They have lunches at their office once a month with speakers who talk about certain issues, they have a ServLife store in which they sell items made by women who are trying to escape extreme poverty and the grips of human trafficking. These are high quality items with so much meaning woven into them.

 World Vision Gifts: Here is an entire store of items and causes you can buy for Christmas on behalf of someone. They were also smart to provide little ‘free’ gifts when you make a donation to the Maximum Impact fun by giving you a bracelet, Christmas ornament, or a little plush goat or chicken. You can even  donate to the cause of sex trafficking.

World Vision Sponsorship: You can also sponsor a child, which is $35 a month. That’s a dinner out, a couple lunches, a movie (with popcorn and a soda), etc. This is also fun because you can send them little packages in the mail.

Operation Christmas Child: This is way fun, especially if you have kids you can do this with. You just fill a shoebox with fun little items, toys, coloring books, etc., wrap it up, and drop it off at a local collection location, and they all get shipped to children who don’t have much, if anything at all. You can fill it for less than $20, my friend tells me.

Global Gifts: This store is amazing. Not only is their merchandise beautiful and unique, but the entire business is designed to benefit the impoverished artists and makers of the items. If you’re in the Indy area, you should look this store up. There’s one in Broad Ripple and on the north side.

The International Festival: I think sometimes in order to have a heart for other nations, we just need to educate ourselves. Every year at the fairgrounds, there’s an International Festival that lasts for days. I’ve never been but hear it’s really fabulous.

The iHeart Revolution Movie (NEXT WEEK!): After watching the trailer, it looks like this is a combination of the live screening of a concert by Hillsong and a documentary. The trailers themselves are challenging, I can’t imagine what the movie will be like. You should see if there is a showing in your area…

The Prayer Room: Not sure how God wants you to help or you feel overwhelmed by it? This is a live stream of the 24/7 prayer room at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. They have been worshipping/praying for TEN YEARS STRAIGHT, without stopping. You can come and go as you please, and now you can watch it online. Pretty incredible. If I were as committed to prayer as that, I wonder how my life would be different.

I am sure there is more. But that’s what I have right now. And I’m not all about making people feel guilty. I definitely believe we are blessed with what we have for a reason, and that we should be happy about that and enjoy it.  I know I myself don’t do everything that I can. But there’s also a time when I know I need to look past my comfort, past the “what am I doing with my life” questions, past all this focus on myself and think how I can practically help with what I’ve been given. What can I afford? How can I change my lifestyle so I can give more? Chances are I will live comfortably even if I gave more.

So I guess it’s more of a challenge. And I guess I feel like I really want to step up. I hope others do too.

“I guess the only fair thing to say is that when we forsake the lives of others,
we actually forsake our own.”

Nothing more than yourself…

I read a blog entry by a singer I really like today, Betsy Walker. It’s short so I’ll post it:

 The second is like it – Betsy Walker

Oct 21st, 09

“Don’t stretch up your hands to God in worship if you are not willing to stretch out your hands to the world.” Aaron Keyes

 

In Matthew 22:34 the Pharisees asked Jesus to tell them the greatest commandment. He replied, “To love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” He then goes on to say, “The second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.”

The second is like it? What does loving others have to do with loving God? Apparently everything. God is saying that it is impossible to love Him apart from loving others. And perhaps there is no point in stretching up our hands in worship if we do not regularly stretch out our hands to our neighbors. Hmm.

Spend some time meditating on Psalm 15 this week. It says, “Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. Those who honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.”

Yesterday, I was running with Emily (our new roommate…maybe a post about that later…) and we were talking about our lives and how they may or may not be panning out the way we had always thought they would. We are definitely enjoying life, but very much in the way of warily looking around thinking, ok now what’s next,  because I haven’t guessed it correctly yet. I think the reason for that is God knows better where we fit in any given season of our lives. Maybe that’s why sometimes we end up in places where we look around and think: why am I here?

She made a good point in saying that when we truly live into who we are, regardless of where we are, we end up blessing others.

Maybe giving is really that simple. It seems like it should be something big, special, and recognizable. But if we are just being ourselves in the place we are day to day, we may not even notice how we bless others with our smiles, our words, our friendly gestures, our attitude, our hard work, our service, our cups of coffee, or our laughter. It may not seem like enough to us, but to others, it’s a lot.

Maybe God doesn’t want love to be like this billboard of our generosity and sweetness and good deeds that people can see from everywhere and admire and compliment. Maybe he wants it to be more like post-it notes of kindness. Lots and lots of post-it notes. Yes, I like that. I love office supplies so I really like that.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less.
That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. matthew 5

City lights and romantic nights

Recently, I took a much-needed-ladies-only trip to Chicago with my mother and big sister Jennifer. It was a typical fall weekend, mostly sunny, cool, a little bit of rain and clouds, and the first splash of color on the trees.

Two things happened that weekend: I grew closer to the women in my family AND I fell in love with the city once again.

As a girl who grew up out in a pocket of woods out in the Midwest, I am surprised at how much I’ve grown to LOVE the city. As a family, we used to visit Chicago quite a bit. It held a special place in my parents’ heart as their honeymoon destination, and as kids, my brothers and I totally drooled as we jumped from museum to museum. We were fascinated. Now as an adult, the city fascinates me for different reasons.

Friday evening, we pulled into Chicago about 3 p.m., and rang in our trip by blaring Black-Eyed Peas from the iPod dock and jumping around dancing on our hotel beds. You would have never guessed our ages were 26, 36, and 56…we were probably acting closer to 2, 3, and 5. 

Once we had freshened up, eliminating all hints of our sweaty dance routine, we headed to the Grand Lux for dinner. Our table was right by the window and overlooked the city in all its wet-in-the-rain glitter. I would describe the food as delicious comfort food…comfort food prepared in such a way that didn’t make you feel guilty for ordering comfort food at a fancy restaurant.

That evening we saw the Broadway show Jersey Boys. While good, I think the crowd was a little comatose. Several times, I know they were supposed to laugh, and they didn’t catch on. The singing along was fabulous, however, since we grew up listing to oldies. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons was always a favorite.

Saturday was our typical Chicago shopping day. I had texted a very old friend the night before to see if she wanted to meet early for breakfast. I am definitely a morning person, and being up and around the city early on a Saturday was something I had not experienced before. The sun was out, the air was cold, and Katie and I had so much catching up to do (I had not spoken with her since my wedding) that after we had breakfast at the Yolk (highly recommend this as a breakfast venue in Chicago), we strolled around the park overlooking Lake Michigan, coffee in hand and talking so fast that passersby probably thought we are on something slightly more illegal than coffee. But me and Katie- yeah, we both knew what the other was sayin’.

We zipped over to our hotel in Katie’s mini-cooper and picked up Mom and Jenn, first making sure my sister’s 5′11″ frame could fit. She was very worried about this. But Katie’s hubby is 6′3″ so we managed. We were dropped off at Milennium Park for the rest of the day.

The rest of the trip involved much shopping, eating, laughing, and hailing cabs.I won’t bore you with the details. But as I go back and click through my photos, it’s funny to know that I crave to live in the city sometimes. I love the buildings, the energy, the availability of people, places, and things.

But I am mainly fascinated with the city now because you have the richest sampling of people in cities. You have the rich, the poor, the lonely, the full, the empty, the entertained, the bored, the employed, the unemployed, and on and on and on. They are all walking the same sidewalk and following the same traffic signals as you and riding the same buses and subways. You can people-watch and NEVER get bored. Most of them are surprisingly friendly. And cab drivers always end up fascinating…for me anyways. I’ve met cab drivers who ran from the buildings on 9/11, lost their job in China so now they drive a cab, have kids in Africa, are planning to go back to school in Switzerland…and the list goes on.

And to think, every single person was made a certain way, for a certain reason. God knows each one by heart. Their hopes, fears, pasts, futures, stories, secrets. Everything. Kind of makes the world seem a little smaller, maybe? Makes all those people a  little less intimidating, a little more inviting. And a little easier to love.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

psalm 139

The key to happiness (click here)

I’ve been gone, as I’m sure you have noticed. Life has been crazy and a bit overwhelming, but it has not come without a lot of learning. So instead of catching you up, I will jump right in.

I found a quote yesterday that pretty much sums up how to be happy. Because, man, we try so hard, don’t we? We are like the masters of striving when really we are often chasing our tail.

I happened to find this quote in the bible. But whether or not you are a believer, I find it a very fitting and practical approach.

So I wanted to share what I found:

Be joyful always:
Keep your joy in tact. What makes you feel alive? Do THAT. You officially have permission not to complain, wallow in self-pity, or look at your problems, but to look at the things God has placed around you that give you joy. Your family. Your friends. Your kids. Your hobbies. Sunshine. The ability to walk and run and drive around.  Laughter. Good books. Phone calls. I mean, even STARBUCKS, for goodness sake! Count your lucky stars, people.

Pray continually:
It’s not about you. Look at the bigger picture. Yes, life completely sucks sometimes. Many of us can say that several times over.  God doesn’t really ignore this fact. In fact, He repeats this several times (though maybe not in those exact words….) throughout the bible…well more than several, actually…because He knew we’d get upset about it. We’d say it wasn’t fair. We’d blame Him. We’d throw fits. And fits can be ok sometimes, as long as we are being honest with God in the process. Pray continually. Tell God how you feel, don’t candy-coat your prayers, and feel free to ask Him why. Just be ok with not getting a direct answer. Because sometimes the answer is within the process of brokenness and grieving itself.

 Give thanks in all circumstances:
This is pretty self-explanatory but also probably one of the hardest parts of this verse. For some reason, we are so wired to look at what we don’t have. We like to find excuses for why we feel lacking: I don’t have this, my life isn’t that way, GOD HASN’T GIVEN ME THIS YET. When will be learn life has started? It will not wait to start once we have what we think will bring us happiness or joy or satisfaction. Give tremendous thanks for those good things in your life you are missing because you are too busy looking at stuff that you don’t have or stuff that’s not there. It’s kind of weird anyways to pour so much energy into non-existent circumstances and things, don’t you think?

This is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus:
I know I’m definitely guilty at “trying to find God’s will” in my life in terms of a career, or starting a family, or whatever. But ultimately God’s will and heart is that we look to Him for our satisfaction, and live our lives the best we can. Love our family, be faithful to our spouses, be giving to friends and strangers, and seek God in all things. If that leads to a specific calling or job or so on, than that’s awesome. But otherwise, the rest is details.

I say all this because I feel I am finding my way to new levels of contentment. The days of struggle still come, but instead of wallowing in it, I am learning to keep the hope in me alive through prayer, fellowship, writing, and the Word. I do things I love to do. I try to keep myself healthy and happy. I am beginning to take some steps towards things I’ve always wanted to do, things I’m passionate about, but kept waiting for that perfect time in life to pursue.

But Cody and I realize that there’s no perfect time to do anything. With a little encouragement from friends who aren’t afraid to push us a little, we are shaking free from some things that have clouded over the things we love. If God sets something in your heart, jump in.

It’s not called faith for nothing.

Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not put out the Spirit’s fire….
hold on to the good…
1 thessalonians 5:16-21

Get off the scale

The other day I went to the doctor for a routine physical. This was no big deal. Just a normal checkup, a little poking and prodding, and I’m on my way.

But then the nurse weighed me. (So I guess no big deal in the first oh MINUTE of my physical).

I weigh 140lbs.

Um that’s not what my driver’s license says.

(And before anyone gets offended, I have no opinions about this weight in particular at ALL. It’s not skinny, it’s not fat. It’s just a number; it’s simply more than I myself am accustomed to weighing…probably the heaviest I have been since high school).

I was actually surprised. This is pretty typical weight for my age and heighth, but that means I have gained about 15 lbs. in the last 2-3 years. I don’t normally weigh myself because honestly, if I feel good and am healthy, I don’t care what my weight is. Right? Right.

I remember in grade school when the nurses came in to weigh us and check us for lice (which now that I think about it, is an odd combination of things to check for). Seriously, this was a BIG DEAL. I always dreaded it. Everyone would go around asking how much each other weighed. Around the sixth grade, my best friend Julie and I were dangerously close, if not over, 100 lbs. This completely mortified us. And I kid you not, we told people it was just because we were big boned. We were more than confident this would keep them from thinking we were fat.

If you saw me and Julie now, you would think was outlandish. But when you are the tallest people (not tallest GIRLS, tallest PEOPLE) in your whole grade, you kind of get an ogre-complex.

So when the nurse said 140, I was crestfallen. What had I done wrong? Why had I gained weight? WHY HADN’T I NOTICED?! *sob*

But as I’ve been thinking today, it’s funny I got hung up on those numbers. 140. Because the rest of my physical was wonderful. I am totally healthy in all areas. I get exercise, I sleep well, I eat just fine, I don’t really have any family history of any health problems. That’s pretty good. That’s REALLY good. That’s something to praise God for every day.

But I got all hung up on 140. How silly.

It’s just really telling of how we often lose sight of what’s really important. I am guilty of this, as I often go about gauging the success of my life using all the wrong forms of measurement. I compare myself to other people. I look at what I don’t have instead of what I am infinitely blessed with. I look at my accomplishments instead of my experiences and blessings.I want what I don’t have instead of loving what I do have. I look at the outward appearance of my life and don’t consider the inside.

Have I grown as an adult over the past few years? Yes. Have I experienced love and beauty and new things? Yes. Have I taken steps of faith? Yes. Have I had perfect summer evenings and long lazy dinners and holiday celebrations with my friends and family? YES.

So what if I haven’t reached all of my goals yet. That doesn’t mean I can’t still be thankful. I’m 25 (almost 26). I have lots of time.

And who cares about 140? I don’t. Not anymore.

So pass me that cookie dough.

He is a hurricane, I am a tree…

I think it’s hilarious sometimes I’ve ended up in an office job. Down the street from my parents. In my hometown. I kid you not, those were the three things I swore I’d avoid upon graduation when I was in college. I was all, I don’t care what I do but I AIN’T GOIN’ BACK. Aaaaaaaand here I am. Poetic justice, maybe.

I have been learning though, that is has definitely forced me to reconsider where I place the value in my life. I really struggled when I first moved back because I felt like “I wasn’t doing anything,” meaning I wasn’t doing anything of value…even though I was in the family business and even though I had a steady job and even though it was really helping us pay off debt. Well, apparently those aren’t good enough. I would get so frustrated because I wanted to travel and I wanted to do missions and I wanted God to throw me a friggin’ party because I was so awesome. Well, since then He has taken great pleasure in swiftly kicking me and my derriere off my high horse.

And I think last week I finally got it.

I am working through this workbook study called “Living Beyond Yourself” because let’s face it, our ’self’ is our biggest obstacle sometimes. So stubborn and rude. This study was having me write times when I felt really stressed and really frustrated and really not too happy about how life is going. It didn’t take me long to scribble “Um THIS IS ME NOW.” HA. But then it lead me through some Scripture where it showed how Jesus wasn’t particularly happy about being tortured and hanging on a cross to die (touche).

And instead of being all Oh He had it soooooo much worse than me and I am SUCH a brat for even complaining, I read it for the first time taking notice of how He dealt with it. Because He had to deal with it. It wasn’t just like a piece of sprinkled cake because He was God.

1). One way He dealt with it: He focused on the bigger picture. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross and scorned its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb. 12:2) He definitely had a bright future, but so do we, and it was never promised that it would happen in this life. While a lot of us have it pretty good in this life, the true blessings come later (so if you think you’re blessed now, can you just imagine?). So when things get hard, that needs to be the focus.

2). Jesus bore shame and disgrace alone…on the outside…when it seemed like He was the last one standing and nobody noticed what He was doing. He was outside His comfort zone, and even begged God to take the whole death-on-the-cross thing. But He prayed that God’s will be done anyways. “And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through His own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore.” (Heb. 13:12)   Basically, let’s not be afraid to get out of our comfort zone and see what God might have in store for it. It could be much bigger than our pea-brains can fathom. Try and put ourselves LAST for once instead of first for once.

And above all, soak up the love of God:

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee…

    Like much of America, coffee runs my life. It helps me wake up, go to work, make decisions, and get dressed. Wait. Maybe I said that out of order…. ANYWAYS. Last night, I decided it was time to clean out our coffeemaker after a year and a half of use. It has literally been taking an HOUR to brew 8 cups in the morning (which is actually only about four coffee cups….those measurements are always so small. Kind of like two Oreos is one serving. Psh.)

 

I was talking on the phone to Laura while also attempting to read the directions. It said in lieu of Mr. Coffee cleaning solution, I could use undiluted, white vinegar. Hm. I read it like five times to make sure I was not mistaken. I am pretty sure I wasn’t. So I dumped three cups of vinegar, turned the pot on, and walked away.

 

Within half an hour,  I heard Cody shout an expletive from the kitchen. I rushed from the office to find that the coffee pot had leaked vinegar  ALL OVER the kitchen counter. *Ugh* We got some towels and tried to mop it up, but that vinegar smell that sticks to your nose hairs was still strong. Gross.

I couldn’t figure out how this happened, as I had made an entire pot of decaf coffee when I got home from work. So what’d I do? I poured another pot of clean water in to rinse out the coffeemaker of vinegar.

 

Now….why would I do this, seeing as how the vinegar leaked all over the counter? I HAVE NO CLUE MAYBE BECAUSE I NEEDED MORE COFFEE.

 

Instantly, a pool of water began to spread so fast from under the coffee maker, I almost didn’t get it to the sink before the whole pot of water was splashing onto the counter and the floor.

 

So Cody ran to buy a new coffeemaker at Target last night at 10pm because he couldn’t bare to endure his birthday (today) without coffee.

 

And what have I learned from this comedy of errors?

 

    1) Try learning from your mistakes. *Yes, self, I am talking to you*

    2) If it’s broke, don’t try and fix it. Just throw it away and buy a new one.

    3) If it’s broke because of something you did, don’t bother to learn what you did wrong. Repeat step 2.

In all seriousness, coffee has been a sweet staple in our marriage (not a staple like God and love and faith and commitment…but a staple  more like chocolate or snuggling or Scrabble). We share coffee in the morning when we can, coffee out by the firepit on cool nights, and coffee when we have something serious we need to discuss.

So really the new coffeemaker was a wise investment.

Plus it has a timer on it. So it brews automatically in the morning at 6am. Which, let’s be honest, is what I really wanted in the first place.

I’ve got this puppy dawg…

Cody and I have the best dog in the world. I know lots of people say that about their dogs, but this one’s for real. Since we don’t have children, we talk about him a lot. Oh, just last week Hershey did the cutest thing…I was so mad at Hershey yesterday I had to discipline him…I got Hershey some of these new treats…can you believe it when he did blablabla? It’s kind of ridiculous really, especially when our friends are talking about their kids and we can’t stop talking about how happy we are Hershey didn’t go poo in the house last week when we forgot to leave him gated in the kitchen.

There are lots of great things about him. He always greets us with immense joy when we stumble out of bed in the morning and when we come home from work. He forgives us quickly. And he’s just really…really…cute.

But he does have one fault.  Something that really frustrates me.

He follows me around everywhere. I mean, this dog follows me every time I get up to get a drink, he follows me as I am making dinner and walk from the fridge to the stove to the pantry to the sink and back to the stove, he follows me if I even go to the bathroom (he sits or lays right there by the door until I come out…he has also done this to guests too, and I’m not sure how they feel about it). If I go somewhere he can’t go (he’s not allowed in our bedroom, and he knows he’s not supposed to go out into the front yard unless we let him), he will wait patiently for me to return. He sleeps right outside our bedroom door in the hallway. He lays at the foot of the couch while we are watching tv. He sits and watches stoically as we do yardwork or mow the yard.

But just the other night, I was laying in bed and thinking about this as it was thunderstorming outside. We let him sleep in our room during thunderstorms because they freak him out, and so my hand was draped over the side of the bed, patting his head. I think Hershey is a much better follower than I am. He follows without question…regardless of where I’m going…regardless of it’s exciting or not…and he’s perfectly content either way.

I think as I am trying to follow God, I like to say I’m seeking Him when really I’m more of a backseat driver. I’m pointing out the windows saying, Turn here, that looks awesome! Oh hey, let’s go here! BRAKE, watch out! I think I know what’s best, I don’t like being bored, and I don’t really want to wait around for something to happen. I don’t want to do mundane things, I want to do what I want, and I certainly do NOT have time for a long rest stop or a detour.

If I could just take after my dog…my fun-loving, butt-wiggling, tail-wagging dog…maybe I’d have a little more peace, a little more direction, and a little less confusion. If I could just be content with where  I am at, even if it’s doing the most menial of tasks, than maybe I would notice more what God is doing rather than what I think He’s NOT doing.

If we move, we move. If we’re going for a walk, we walk. If we’re going for a run, we run. And if we’re doing nothing and we wait…then we wait.

Pretty simple.

 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

 ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge Him,
       and He will make your paths straight. proverbs 3

Oh, Jillian…

I am going to fall into the typical blogger category and tell you what I think about The Bachelorette.

Let me first establish that I don’t intend to gossip about Jillian on this blog. I think she’s a great person and I would probably be friends with her had we met in any ordinary situation. I can’t say I agree with everything she does on the show, but that doesn’t mean I think she’s a horrible human being.  I am only trying to share my thoughts about the show in general based on what I’ve seen this season.

That being said, my thoughts about the show include the following:***

1. The dates. Oh, the dates. Who wouldn’t want to go to some of the most romantic places on earth, be waited on hand and foot, and have all the attention of all these gorgeous guys? Even a married woman could be sent to some of these places with total strangers and “feel” like she was falling in love and be all confused. Of course, everyone knows real life doesn’t really work that way…for most of us average folk, anyways. I am interested to see how the relationship changes once real life hits and they have to discuss where they are going to live, jobs, finances, etc. Not that it will be so awful and difficult, but it’s so much easier to ‘do’ a relationship it seems when you’re out of the reality bubble…and you aren’t being flung to the corners of the earth for dream dates…and aren’t having everything paid for…and aren’t drinking a glass of wine every single time you do something…and don’t have personal stylists…or have wardrobe picker-outers….or not EATING ALL THE TIME (do these people know what a grocery bill can turn out to be each week if they eat like that??)
2. I just feel that the way this show goes about finding this person’s soulmate is unhealthy. Jillian is so invested, in SO many ways, in each of these three guys (now two) and I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Will she think about the guys she didn’t pick forever, even after she marries the last one standing? It’s hard to tell. She has such great memories and apparently such great connections with them all, that I don’t see how she could just toss those aside once someone gets down on one knee at the end of the show.
3. I am not sure this is a realistic way to go about ‘picking’ a husband. A lot of the language is…”I need to know he’s here for ME and nothing else,” “I need to know he’ll do whatever it takes to make me happy,” “I need to know he’s ready to propose after this…”  even though I’m going to break the hearts of 99% of them by the end of this month…or even from the guys…”She is the perfect woman,” “She’s everything I want in a wife,” …It seems there’s such an expectation of perfection. I just feel like there’s not much compromise and so much pressure. Marriage is a two-way street that takes a lot of work. Falling in dreamy love isn’t always how it works, though that’s part of it. They haven’t really experienced any conflict yet, and working through that type of stuff is what marriage is made of.
4. I am also big on privacy and alone time with the person you love. Alone time, especially in a marriage, is so important. These reality shows publicize SO MUCH that I can’t imagine how they even operate in that context.  The entire world has seen Jillian have some of the most private moments with these guys, and whether or not they consider what people say, I think it still creates this pressure that isn’t healthy. Millions of people will judge and criticize this season and whatever relationship that comes from it for some time. I think this kind of stress has definitely broken up (or aided in breaking up) many famous marriages…one of the most recent being Jon and Kate.

Overall, I think the show kind of lives into what marriage has become for a lot of people: the chance to marry someone who will make me happy, bend over backwards to make our life work, and who has the perfect set of skills and traits to be the perfect partner in all of life’s situations and challenges. These people on the show have known each other for like a month, and they are expecting so much out of each other…for example, Jillian wanting Reid to be ready for a proposal right now and even her date with Ed…On TV, these things are sensationalized  and criticized when in reality, it has happened in most normal, healthy marriages.

I don’t think that’s what God intended for marriage. Of COURSE it brings joy and happiness and so many good things, but pushing through the fights and disagreements and imperfections  is what molds us as people and gives us character. You will blame each other for things. You will feel less important sometimes. You might even wonder if it’s all worth it. But communicating that and committing to love…not the fluffy kind but the tangible, tough kind…brings a kind of light to your soul you didn’t know could exist. Choosing to love each other through hurt feelings and anger and forgiveness is what’s required. It might be the hardest thing you ever did, but it’s also one of the most rewarding.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

***All this to say, I will still be parked in front of ABC two Mondays from now because I HAVE to know what happens…